*Author’s note: the last time I wrote a blog with a similar theme as this one, I unwittingly created a bit of a stir. To those who know what I’m referring to, I want you to know that all is well and there is no need for concern. Happy reading!
Tag archive for "Faith"
*Author’s note: the last time I wrote a blog with a similar theme as this one, I unwittingly created a bit of a stir. To those who know what I’m referring to, I want you to know that all is well and there is no need for concern. Happy reading!
I wanted to thank everyone for the feedback on my “God Did This” blog. The comments on the site as well as the emails and other comments I have received were very encouraging, not only to our positive spirit and outlook on the future, but also on the power of faith in people’s lives. Thank you all – your comments are a great source of inspiration!!
God Bless,
Ethan
www.JonesLife.net
The stress got to me today. It hasn’t happened very often and it usually doesn’t last long when it does, but when it comes, it comes like a flood – abrupt, painful, and pervasive to every aspect of my life. Today it was more like a tsunami. While these episodes have yet to be crippling, the suddenness with which they come and the relatively minor events that seem to trigger them always leaves me wondering if I’m falling back into some old habits, my old ways of “dealing” with stressful events in my life. It frightens me to think that maybe I’m not ready for all of this, that maybe I’ve tricked myself and others into believing that it’s all going to work out just fine. What if my faith isn’t strong enough to carry me through? What if the reason that we’ve been able to enjoy this adventure up to this point is simply that we haven’t yet been hit with the fatal wave of circumstances that is certain to wipe us out? What if we can’t possibly handle what’s coming our way? What if our marriage suffers? What if Eliot is overshadowed, over-stressed, and overwhelmed? What if my career, my company doesn’t succeed? What if, what if, what if…
Stress and, more specifically, recognizing the stress in my life has been an issue for me for as long as I can remember. I’ve always been pretty good about sucking it up, dealing with it, ignoring the pain…fill in whatever other cliché you can think of here. Problem is I never dealt with the stress; I just got really good at not allowing myself to feel it; essentially I was ignoring it. Sounds great, right? Never feel stress again…who wouldn’t want that? Unfortunately however, I learned the hard way that you cannot confine this talent to just the stress in your life. At least I wasn’t able to; maybe others can, but I couldn’t and didn’t. I also learned the hard way that ignoring the stress is not the same as dealing with it and just as the rubber on your tires only has so many miles it can handle so also does the tread on your soul. The miles add up, the tread breaks down, the soul falls apart…
While I was busy ignoring the stress in my life, I was also ignoring the wounds that were being inflicted by stressful events in my life. To make matters worse, my ignorance of my own stress level allowed these wounds to grow instead of heal. The hurt, anger, bitterness, and frustration from these events was building up inside of me and never found release. Possibly worse than that or at the very least equally unhealthy is the fact that I was also ignoring the needs of those around me – close friends, family, and strangers alike. Without even realizing it, I was shutting people out of my life, including those closest to me, and I slowly became aware that I was living alone, inside the very constricted, cold walls that I had built up over the years. Walls that were initially intended to protect me were now walls that confined me. My growth as a person, as a member of the community God created, had become like that of a fish, restricted to the size of the container that bound me.
Well, as you might imagine, you can’t go on living life this way until something eventually gives. And give it did…big time! I’ll spare you the details, but know that thanks only to the Lord above, the effects of a life lived this way, though certainly life altering was not life destroying. And the damage that was done, with help from good friends and good people in my life, was quickly undone and I was soon well down the path of reclamation and restoration of a soul that had lost its way.
I learned a few lessons along the way – I learned a little about life and I learned a little bit more about the God who made this life possible. Now that I look back on the course of events of my life, I know that I was never alone in all of this. Though I never asked for it, never would have admitted it, and oftentimes was never even aware of it, I had a lot of help in keeping it all together when it very easily could have all fallen apart. There was a hand at work, busy filling the cracks and holes in my life that had begun to accumulate as a result of my choices and the bumpy, dark, and dusty roads I decided to travel. Back then, I never stopped to reflect on my life, I just kept moving, onward and upward…or so I thought. I never stopped to give thanks and I never stopped to consider just how blessed I was.
These days I do look back – almost daily – and I do give thanks after carefully considering just how blessed I am. I consider how fortunate I am to have the wife that I have and I consider all of the ways that she was designed perfectly just for me. I also consider how amazing my daughter is and how her attitude and happy-go-lucky-ready-for-anything nature will be just right for the challenges that lie ahead. I consider how truly incredible my parents are as are many of the other folks they brought into my life who have all contributed to the person I am today. I consider how amazing it is that the people who have selflessly and tirelessly carried us, cared for us, and loved us from the day the Quint Invasion began entered our lives only 18 months prior.
When the tidal wave of emotion and stress comes over me and sends me reeling into a backwash of doubt and anguish, these are the things that I consider. And after careful consideration, there is only one conclusion that I believe any man who has his wits about him and has in place a rational view of his role in this world can come to: God did this. God chose to knit me together in my mother’s womb, to place me in my parents’ care, to bring me together with my amazing wife, to bring Eliot into our little world, to bring us to Riverbend Church and the Marriage Builders group. He chose to smooth out the rough patches of our lives, to challenge me, shape me, mold me, and to love me too much to leave me the way I was and am today. And he chose to breathe life into those five little babies that now breathe life into ours.
So this is how I make it through and this is how I know I’m not falling back into those old, dangerous habits. When the stress strikes, the world begins to tighten its noose, and the air suddenly gets really thin, this is the place I always return: God did this; there is no doubt in my mind. God did this and he will see us through. How he’ll do it, how he’ll answer the what if’s that seem to come up every day, no one can say. To be honest, I don’t know much of anything beyond how I’ll handle today. And, strangely, I’m comforted by that. It takes some getting used to, but yes, I’m comforted by the fact that I have little clue as to what road I’ll be traveling when I wake up tomorrow morning. I’m comforted because I believe that this is exactly where he wants me – living one day at a time, living a life completely dependent on him. God did this just as he has always done this, with or without my permission. God did this and he will continue to do this. God did this, and with his continued guidance and direction on my life, we’ll continue to be able to do this…somehow, some way…one baby step at a time…
God Bless,
Ethan
www.JonesLife.net
We got some prayer advice from an unexpected source yesterday afternoon…the neonatologist, Dr. Hodges, who was in the operating room and was responsible for the babies’ care for their first two days. What a blessing to have a Christian man making decisions for our babies when their lives were in such critical need! He gave us a few things that we should be specifically praying for and so we invite you to join us in lifting up the following:
– Development of the babies’ ability to eat well and process foods on their own. The sooner they can do this, the sooner they can pull out the IV’s.
– Protection from infection. This is one of the greatest dangers to the babies’ health. The more IV’s they have and the longer they have them, the higher the risk of infection.
– Clarity in decision making and general well-being of the NICU doctors and nurses…please don’t forget about these amazing people who have provided their love and expertise to keeping our babies healthy and growing!
Thank you all so much for your love, prayers, and support throughout this journey! The babies are all doing very well!!
God Bless,
Ethan
www.JonesLife.net
As we continue through this process, I am continually amazed at the resiliency of the human body and the strength of Casey’s spirit…and the knowledge of the medical staff…and the power of prayer…and the rallying of support…and the unpredictability of life…and the calming presence of God in your life…and the…
Casey had a great night sleep, only waking up a couple of times…amazing after what she went through yesterday evening. There was a two hour time frame from about 5-7 where we were pretty certain things were progressing and everyone was on high alert. But everything calmed down and Casey slept better than she had in weeks (and so did I with the help of our friend, Ambien)!
So they are running labs as we speak – testing everything that they’ve checked before – protein in the urine, liver enzymes, blood pressure, platelet count, etc. If everything checks out ok, then we continue the waiting game.
It appears that no matter what happens with Casey’s body, the doctors will hold out for every last possible hour before delivering the babies. Even Casey’s water breaking will not mean that we make a mad dash for the operating room! Apparently, as long as the babies have a little bit of fluid in their sack, they can continue to survive and grow inside the womb. Even if Casey goes in to raging labor, we’ll still have about four hours before the operation begins.
This up/down/stop/start game we’ve been playing has been stressful on us all, no doubt, but we are glad to do it as long as Casey stays pregnant. Casey’s focus has continued to wow us all! Though she is in complete misery, she has not complained other than to say that she’s frustrated that she may have to deliver before she’s ready to give up the fight!
Please keep up the prayers for Casey’s strength and health and the health of the quints…the prayers are working!!
God Bless,
Ethan
www.JonesLife.net
Throughout the pregnancy, the way Casey feels on a day-to-day basis has changed quite a bit. Unfortunately for her, the change has not usually been positive. The first couple of months, she was nauseous…a lot. After that, she had major food aversions, but was hungry all the time. I’m not talking just hungry, I mean famished, like she hadn’t had sustenance in days. She was also growing very fast and had a lot of swelling and other aches and pains during this phase. And oh yeah, by the way, she had two surgeries during this phase – one planned, one unplanned. Ok, she’s going to correct me on this one – the unplanned surgery wasn’t technically surgery, but whatever, she had to be rushed to the ER, drugged up, stuck with a really long needle to drain a huge cyst on her ovary, then spent the rest of the night in the hospital…I can call that surgery if I want!
Next came the pressure down low and the acid reflux. After that, sleepless nights were the norm, along with just about everything else mentioned above except for the nausea. Back pain came along shortly after that and difficulty moving around. Shortness of breath, major baby movement, a freak sharp shooting pain up her spine, bleeding gums, stuffy nasal pressure, false labor, one more night in the hospital, and bed rest all came along in November. December has brought more of the same as well as a sore throat, just more intense than before. Now that January has arrived, the intensity has ratcheted up a bit more.
All of these symptoms have sort of come in phases which have lasted anywhere from 2-4 weeks before the next phase begins. Through it all, whenever I’ve asked her how she feels, she generally rattles off her list of current ailments which for the most part have been consistent with whatever phase she was in. So for us, the phase became “the new normal”. She’d run down a list of 5 or 6 issues that would be awful to deal with, but truthfully had become her norm and were therefore not much cause for concern. Basically, “the new normal” meant, “I’m miserable, but no more than what I’ve been and there is nothing to worry about at the moment.” Great way to go through life, huh?
Well, it seems lately that “the new normal” has only lasted a few days before a different new normal has taken its place. She has been feeling really rough since the day after Christmas and it has gotten a bit worse every 3 or 4 days since then. I think the new normal from here on out is that she is going to be beyond miserable and it’s going to take every bit of strength that she’s got to keep from losing her mind. She’s dealt with a lot up to this point, but we’re about to see just how much this girl can take. It’s tough to watch because there is so little that can be done to make her comfortable. She’s shown a toughness that I’ve never seen and hopefully she’ll never have a need for again once all this is over. She’ll need to match misery for grit every step of the way. That’s right, Casey Ann and grit go hand in hand these days!!
Pray for her as often as you will. Pray for her strength of spirit, pray for her relative comfort, pray for her patience, pray for her perseverence, pray for her health. Pray for her in anyway that you can think of, but please pray for her. We both know that God will see her through this last month in his way, but we also know how valuable everyone’s prayers have been up to this point and how valuable they’ll be as the pregnancy wages its final battle on her body. Please pray…
God bless,
Ethan
www.JonesLife.net
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